5.25.2008

Winds of Change, Glory of Perfection


For at least two years I knew the time to leave my wonderful life in Santa Barbara, California was nearing. My heart and body yearned for a new experience of earth, as though I had been in the same energy, one place too long. Still the when and the where were not coming to me. I would chat about this with my dear friends. I knew I had to begin getting rid of possessions. I did nothing more than be aware that the time was nearing. There was a space in my life that arrived, literally a space of freedom. This space had only commitments to myself, my businesses. My son was living on his own, I was single and I awakened to a realization that "this is the time I felt coming, it is here, leave 'now' or maybe never". Still where will I go?

A lady friend and I went backpacking into the Sierra Nevada mountains. The days were warm, the nights were starry. As we climbed up up up through the forest, we did as most ladies do, chatted on and on about what was on our minds and in our hearts. I was trying to feel where to go as I left my life behind. A memory came back to me while hiking, it was of a vision I had while receiving a cranial sacral session. I had not thought of this dream like memory since it happened two years past. In the vision I was a short scruffy looking lady, a medicine woman with huge pain in my heart. I was moving in a circle endlessly, crying out, singing in a language I knew in the vision, but not in this life. Singing to the spirit that animates life "my people are lost, they are sick, I do not know how to show them the way out of pain". I was in a land that was dry and somewhat barren. The bush was brittle and maybe three feet high. As I moved I wore a path in the earth from the shuffle of my feet. Then a large ethereal energy touched my heart, stilled my agony and let me know that all would be fine. I was shown that my people they would find their way inspired by their pain. My journey was to know this and trust this, I was not to be lost in the pain. In holding a solid trusting stance, my energy would calm and make room for vision to show me how to guide them.

Some how I knew that medicine woman was in New Zealand, a long time ago. As I remembered that vision I decided to start my journey with six months in New Zealand. My preparations began. I gave myself two months to shut down a life that had been formed for over twenty years. I wore myself out in the tasks of getting rid of possessions, storing things, drawing up my will and living trust, learning how to pay bills while away and shutting down two businesses. It is a funny thing when folks learn you will no longer be available, they want you! People wanted jewelry they had been putting off buying and folks wanted cranial sacral sessions endlessly. I finally had to hang my sign, business closed.

There was also a magic about those two months. As I wandered through my days, my chores, I would have unexpected meetings with people from my past. I was able to have goodbyes with people I may never see again. Things I needed to say for closure were said, as well as things others needed to say to me. I met new people and had interactions that were full of vitality, inspiring others to live their dreams was common. November 11,2004 I left my life in Santa Barbara for what I thought was a year of wandering, which lasted two years with me settling in a very different land. The night before I left I slept and awoke with the words "winds of change, glory of perfection" being repeated in my mind like a mantra.

The telling of this tale was inspired by Sunday Scribblings prompt: quitting. In quitting one path in life an entirely new one presented itself, one step at a time.

The image: New Zealand, Beach Cave

13 comments:

  1. That's quite a journey you've described -- and a gorgeous photo -- and I would very interested in hearing more about your year of wandering. What brought you to Montana?

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  2. What a wonderfully inspiring story. I thought I was being adventurous by going off for a few weeks at a time, but that really is an adventure you describe. The photo is absolutely gorgeous!

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  3. A great story of listening and following. A similar journey took me from New Orleans to Moscow, Idaho as base camp to the entire Northwest. I still consider Western Montana heaven on earth.

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  4. The heart knows its secret places of refuge. I loved this story. It made me lonesome for the other country of my heart, Brazil.

    Tenho saudades.

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  5. oh hat a wonderful tale, grabbed me by the heart. 22 years ago we left South Africa and emigrated to England, and it was one of the most heartbreaking things i ever did. it took me about 10 years to settle down here, but now this is home. let us know more about your wanderings please. hugs.

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  6. Hard to find words. Reading this and something in me stirs. Your listening to the unfolding and taking the action in the moment that could be taken. I have so many visions in sessions like cranial-sacral and Network. It has been a long time since I paid attention to them... hmmm... thank you... lots of miracles to you today!
    me

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  7. enchanting post - makes me envious that i haven't grown to be this adventurous yet

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  8. What a brave and wonderful gypsy you are. I love moving and seeing new things. This last move was the first time I messed up. I'm not going to let it stop me though, there are too many journeys to be had.

    I will be back. :)

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  9. Your ability to feel your time in CA coming to a close and to exist peacefully, patiently while waiting for answers is super-attractive to me. People are attracted to the qualities they don’t have, very generally, and that’d be the case here. I wait terribly ungracefully for changes, which is no doubt why, with all the internal flailing, they take so long! So your natural ability to have the medicine woman vision, to be open to recall it precisely when it’s needed, to know what’s required, to follow that knowing, to relax into the preparation, the smooth closings, all of it is extraordinarily inspirational :-)

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  10. What a story inspiring freedom. This resonated with me, as I too am in a place in my life in which I feel change is coming- movement is welling up from within me- looking for some movement. For me the challange lies is in the letting go of all the things that keep me still, or even stuck perhpas.
    Thank you for sharing your story- and bravery.

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  11. It is not just the story but the intimacy that shines through the telling which grabs us and allows us to make your story our own. Several times in my life I've had to leave home to get home. One of those times was to Guatemala where I met Abigail. These journeys just teach us Life truly is simple spirals lived (on) one breath at a time. We are in Good Hands.

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  12. Christine, Hello ~
    I do believe we have met, when I was near to give birth to my son. It was on top of a mountain N. of S.B. Is this true?!

    Your comments touch my heart. Thank you!

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  13. I liked that story a lot. I can relate to it, leaving behind the past and starting all over again. I think I have made a habit out of it though.

    The medicine woman is still very much with you Tammie.

    It's interesting to see people's reactions when we are no longer playing the familiar games or pull out of certain circles. It makes everybody else have to adjust, and i suppose, is an awakening of a kind for them too.

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Warm greetings to you~

Thank you for visiting and also for sharing your thoughts and feelings. Seeing through your eyes and heart mean so much to me!

Tammie